Suppose you know one thing about me. It’s that I love my sons. I would give and do anything for my children. They will always come before me. Before the newest addition of baby Evander. There was my first mini me Skyler. When I met my then-girlfriend (now wife) back in the day. One of my main concerns was introducing my son, begotten from a previous relationship; to this individual, I was falling in love with? The next second was how do we address the cultural differences?
So long story short. I was married before, and it didn’t work out during the duration of that marriage. My first son was conceived. One of the things that I decided upon being newly single was that if I were to get into another relationship, there had to be a connection between that person and my son. The reason being is that this decision not only affects me but my son as well. So when I started to establish a new relationship. I didn’t initially bring my son around her. I didn’t want my son to become attached to someone, and then they were no longer in our lives. I didn’t want him to be on a carousel of relationships because I was selfish and trying to figure things out. I needed to know if this person was going to be the one for US! I had to be sure she would love my son just as much or more than she loved me.
When I met Emily, I didn’t paint her this Glamorous picture of myself. I didn’t put my best foot forward. It was that “do you want the good news or bad news first” aww, hell, I’m going to tell you the bad first. This was my way of not wasting her time by sugar coating or fronting to get her, and then the real me comes out later. I expressed to her all my faults and issues. She chose to love me through all of that. That was a “whew! Aiight cool” moment. Now how do I move forward with introducing her to my son?
I ascribe to the belief that love is love, but some don’t, and they attached a title of color, ethnicity, religion, etc., to it. However, there are some hurdles you may come into contact with in having an interracial relationship with kids being involved.
So once her love for me and desire to stick around for better or worse, yadda yackety smackety blah blah was evident. I asked my son would he mind hanging with a friend and me. Now, why did I introduce Emily as a friend? Well, I didn’t want to hit him with the girlfriend title off rip and cause some trauma. This was my way of easing him into the idea of daddy being in a NEW relationship. Oh yeah, and on top of that, “Hey son, she’s white.” From then on, it was important for me to focus on these objectives for the family to work out:
- Introduction of child and significant other is key.
- Don’t force it.
- Understand possible barriers.
- Let them figure their relationship out.
I ascribe to the belief that love is love, but some don’t, and they attached a title of color, ethnicity, religion, etc., to it. However, there are some hurdles you may come into contact with in having an interracial relationship with kids being involved. That’s a whole nother blog topic in itself. Now let me rewind just a bit. My son’s mother is black. So this new relationship that he was to accept was totally different from what he was accustomed to seeing. My girl and son, however, navigated this very well. It was a beautiful thing to watch from my end.
A love not forced. I witnessed Emily love my son as if he were her own. I will admit that there were areas in which she was more observant and, at times, super overprotective of him than I was. My son, in turn, began to develop a love for her. I had the talk with him of “your mother is your mother, and there will never be a replacement,” for that is a fact. I told him I want his relationship with Emily to be what he wanted it to be. If he would have said he didn’t want one. Well, let’s just say that Emily and I would not be married right now. One of the days that I will forever remember where exactly I was on that date and what I had to eat (which was at Dairy Queen on Havens Corner in Gahanna, Ohio, and I ordered the vanilla chocolate dipped cone) is when I told my son how much I loved Emily and that I would like to ask her to marry me but not if he wasn’t okay with it. He told me, “I was wondering when you were; I’d like that very much!” Fast forward a little bit; he soon began to ask us for a little brother. Well, he got his wish of his little brother.
With our family. I make sure that my son is involved in various activities and decisions in our household. I feel that this is important, being that this was something new for him in many ways. So from what games we play, vacations we take, helping take care of his little brother to looking for a new home.
So here we are—our nice little mixed in more ways than one family. One where I continue to watch us learn, grow and evolve, and I love it!
