I just came from a meeting that focused on ways to address the mental health challenges amongst black men. I thought that the meeting was enlightening and much-needed. As I sat there, I began to hear the word success used in different situations. It got me thinking about what it means to be “Successful.”

I always say I’m not an expert on mental health. I have my opinions about it.

If we were all to be authentic as to our understanding of what it means to be successsful, I believe most of the answers would resemble one another. Being deemed a success is often predicated on tangible attributes and assets that can be quantified. Most of the time, we use monetary value as a means to decide whether or not someone is successful, even though we may not have direct access to their bank accounts. Most of us often determine our financial success based on purchases and career titles. However, the measurement of how successful someone is doesn’t end there; notoriety plays a part in the “how successful someone is” equation.

I hope that black men began to attribute their success to their internal happiness rather than an external societal evaluation.

–Mike Nicholson

Clout is another way society has allowed to be a proper way to determine one’s value. How many people do you know and know you are acceptable to decide on people’s worth? Let me not forget that knowing the right caliber of people is also crucial in how the scales swing toward your evaluation of being a success; knowing the most “important people” in society and the amount that you get to rub shoulders with classifies you as a success.

It’s a lot of pressure in the world to be successful. I mean, the phrase “living the ‘’American Dream” is evidence of that; it pretty much states that there is a standard that you should either meet or exceed to be considered successful in this country. If you don’t meet the bar, you are a failure.

Black men in America have often sought to prove our value outwardly. Fashion, the type of car you drove, the people you surrounded yourself with, the places you were able to go, etc. were all important in factoring whether or not you were successful; this belief is still present. As black men, we have enough environmental pressures that the pressure to keep up with the Joneses can be highly detrimental to our mental health. Conjuring up feelings of not being enough due to competition can be deadly and contribute to the increased number of suicides in our demographic.

What if I was to tell you that I believe we have what qualifies us as a success all wrong? Would you believe me? Probably not, but here goes. Success should be predicated on how happy and healthy you are and the number of healthy connections/relationships you can establish and maintain. That’s all I got for you.

I hope that black men began to attribute their success based on their internal happiness and not an external societal evaluation.